Saturday, June 12, 2010

a few thoughts about Billy the Exterminator....

First of all, if you are not familiar with Billy the Exterminator, he is a Louisiana-based exterminator (the company is named VEXCON) with his own show on A&E. Putting aside how shockingly easy it seems to be to have your own show on A&E, here are a few observations:

1. Billy- thanks for teaching me that armadillos can carry leprosy. I will stop feeling sorry for all the squished ones I see on the road.

2. What is the dealio with all the spikes? Seriously, if you combined the wardrobes of any given Romones-obsessed London teen, a KISS cover band, and all the bikers in Louisiana, you still wouldn't be able to come up with such a bedazzled-ly spiky wardrobe. My favorite are the spikes that are on the shoulders of all Billy the Exterminator garments. Even the T-Shirts. I like to imagine him at home with a bottle of fabric glue and a big roll of velcro, getting some T's ready for a big cockroach shoot the next day. I'm hoping they are put on with velcro, anyway- otherwise, doing the laundry at his house must be pretty tricky. And LOUD.

3. Billy has the most complicated Mullet I have ever seen. I suppose that perhaps the spikes and color could be some sort of subconscious homage to the lowly porcupine, but the long pieces of bangs that travel from forehead hairline to the ears are mesmerizing, if incredibly odd.

4. I have to admit that one aspect of the show which I find most amusing is the way these guys scream every time they find what they are looking for. Example: "They tell us they have seen a big snake in this garage, and we're gonna go in here and check it out." 4 second pause "OH CRAP! THERE'S A BIG SNAKE IN HERE! MOVE, DUDE! SNAAAAAAKE!!!!"

5. You can buy VexCon merch on A& The website says "Wear the same gear that Billy Breatherton sports on Billy the Exterminator." Alas, spikes are not included. Sorry, but you will have to make a trip to Michael's and Hot Topic to complete the look.

6. Does anyone else think the dad is kind of a goober?

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Why "the busty gal's guide to life?" I suppose the title is a culmination of the two things I hear the most (1. You have the biggest boobs of anyone I know! and 2. You should write a book!) and the fact that I like to try to help people navigate through life's little ups and downs (read- I like to talk and/or tell people what to do, the fact that I am usually unable to navigate myself out of a paper bag notwithstanding).

And just so you know, I did not give myself the moniker of "busty gal." A college roommate of mine was kind enough to do that for me. I always thought of her as a sweet girl (a twin from Rochester, NY, she told me that her twin sister was literally an "evil twin" and that she had come all the way to Memphis from Rochester to get away from her, and while I don't know whether that is true or not I like to think that it is), until I arrived back at our dorm room one afternoon in time to overhear her describing me to a friend of hers who was in our room as "the bustiest gal I've ever seen." While that really didn't phase me, I was a little more concerned when I walked into the room and found that her friend had one of my bras on her head. ANYWAY, I still hear the word "busty gal" in my head in her little yankie accent, and when I think about it, I suppose it's one of the more benign ways I've been described.